This is quite commonly analyzed nowadays. I heard my friends say,'' We are pleased to work under that manager , we are not comfortable with that guy's attitude.. etc.'' I would like to give an other example.
When I was working at HCL, my friend and I were put together in a nesting team as we were new comers.
The team head was racketed by many for being rude, cold and authoritative, always trying to boss around , quite frequently belittling the other person to show off his greatness. The higher superiors too were accepting the fact that this guy was attitudinal and never holds smooth relationship in the office, hence he was graded low for a log time though his professionalism and expertise deserve a promotion.
My friend was happy to work under him said ,'' she did not come in touch with his impelling shouts with protruding eyes so far. I told her that I was waiting to move into another team at the earliest and I hate to work with him.. God blessed me to run as faster as possible to another good production team. My work went smooth thereon.
A few months later I chanced my soft skill trainer to whom I shared my experiences. She knew my old team head and was in the same opinion that everyone had towards him. She also gave me a billion dollar advise.
" When you and I say we are not comfortable with this person, actually we are not fine with certain aspects in our lives .. be it any. When we find these in some body we tend to keep away and that is not wrong also to run.''.
To confirm my understanding I said,'' Suppose that I am not comfortable climbing up a tree and hanging upside down for a long time but my friend forces me to do all the time she meets me, I will definitely tend to keep her away or I shall hide myself when ever she comes though being my friend..right..??!!!'' ..
After some laughter renting the air, she said ,'' You are right actually, how could you suddenly imagine an example like that..? '' The conversation went for a while , we had a cuppa tea and departed .
I still carry this advise in my heart and apply it when ever I come across ordeal days. This is not just an advise but a great truth too which I heard it once again from a revered institution 'Oneness university'.
I later on learned another interesting behavioural pattern from my observation.
Sometimes , we tend to change our talking manners depending upon the perceptions we carry about people we know ,and importantly when we find people of common interest we shall spend more time with them sharing ideas and if we find them moving a little bit out of the common interest , we rate them down leading to harsh clash.
I would like to illustrate this. Mr X and Mr. Y are close relatives. They both love cycling , own separate cycles and go for a ride together praising the mode of transportation to be the best, cheapest and least affordable . Mr.X likes Mr.Y and starts to appreciate him to have found an interest in cycling and his simplicity.
After few weeks, Mr.Y chances a bullet ride , feeling it beautiful , comfortable and equally interesting too.
He buys a bullet , starts to bike it. Occasionally accompanies Mr.X for cycle rides. Mr.X throws a different behaviour, letting out some unkind words from a deep routed values he has upon cycling.
He shouts at Mr.Y not for having bought a new bullet, but for not enjoying what Mr.X likes.
Here Mr.Y is shocked to receive such a heart breaking response, feeling uncomfortable totally ,decides to keep away from Mr.X . Thus turning a cold attitude towards each other and building perceptions on each other based on the new attitude formed in their minds now.
The issue here is not valuing something so high, but constantly expecting the other person to be consistent in throwing the same high values on what you like in the same fashion too. This kind of attitude also leads to an emotional clash bringing a break down.
The greatest gift would be to learn the art of being at ease and making others feel the warmth of your presence.Letting others to make their own choices and live in their space of freedom.Every body indeed expects concern and care. It may not be possible to cut copy paste the mother's care but sure easy to format it and present.
You shall see better results are achieved , be it in schools, colleges or work place.